In the past, people met their spouses by chance or through mutual connections. You would go to a bar to try chatting up strangers, so finding a date was often time-consuming. Many things have changed, but people commit the same first-date blunders as decades ago.
Of course, when romance is facilitated by the internet, it is easier to find a potential partner using an adult dating site. However, good manners and people skills are still necessary. How should you behave to ensure your first date does not end in disaster? Here are the five most common social blunders to avoid.
Five Basic Don’ts
- Me, Me, Me
Expressing interest in the partner is an effective seduction technique. Narcissism is unattractive, so never turn a conversation into a lengthy monologue. Alas, people tend to do it when they are nervous. So what can you do? Psych yourself up and prepare some questions. Remember to focus on your date and show genuine curiosity. Ask them about their lives and interests, but keep the conversation positive and lively. Aim to develop a mutually pleasant exchange of thoughts. A date must resemble a tennis match, rather than a game of soccer where you run with the ball.
- High expectations
No matter how attracted you are, hold your horses. Since it is your first face-to-face encounter, focus on creating a positive impression and getting to know your date. Do not rush into the marriage talk, this will likely scare them away. Nobody likes feeling pressured. It is too early to start planning your life together. Say you would like to get married or have children in the future, but keep it general. Nobody wants how you plan to name your descendants. And never become a “we” person making statements like “We should do this, we should do that….”
- That annoying ex talk
Here, the same rule applies – do not get specific. You may outline your past dating history, but that’s it. A failed relationship is something few people will want to hear about. You may win some sympathy, but they likely conclude that you have not yet overcome the heartbreak. This means you are not ready for anything new. Of course, if you are asked questions, do respond, but skip the details. Never get too negative or bitter, listing things that “Lily never did” and the ways in which she wronged you. The person in front of you must be the focus of your attention, so avoid dwelling on the past.
- Getting too personal
Do not psychoanalyze your partner. It is a feeling nobody finds endearing. Ask questions, but do be discreet and follow the etiquette rules. Naturally, your date’s family background is an important factor alerting to potential character flaws or red flags. However, avoid stepping into anything too deep. Do not force anyone to open up about their family drama. Keep the questions neutral and non-threatening. Ask “What’s your family like?” or “Who do you feel closest to?” Hence, let your partner tell you what they are willing to tell. If they happen to delve into family troubles of their own accord, say you appreciate the honesty.
5. Do not discuss sex
Sex is not a safe topic. Your partner is aware that you do have sex and that you might be
thinking of seducing them. However, explicit references are a strong deterrent unless you are both looking for a one-night stand. If you are seeking something serious, make your date feel that you are fascinated by their personality. Of course, social norms are shifting and you may eventually get passionate by the end of the evening. However, never make sex the first-date topic. And, naturally, never ever suggest meeting at your place. This message is bound to give off bad vibes.
Overall, lavish attention on your partner and never get too self-centered or negative. First
dates can be stressful, but practice makes perfect. Allow yourself time to prepare and bear in mind those five simple rules.